The Pattern of Marriage (Husbands)

[0:00] Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 through 33. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

[0:16] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

[0:44] In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

[0:59] Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

[1:13] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Father, by your spirit, take the word now, and apply it to our hearts.

[1:26] We ask in Christ's name. Amen. I realize that it can be a very dangerous thing for a pastor to say that we're going to talk about the role of wives in marriage, and then begin by reading.

[1:41] And the first line is, Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. I know that that can be a dangerous thing sometimes, but I trust that it's not dangerous among us, because we want, regardless of how we feel, regardless of what we hear outside of this gathering, what we really want is our lives and our hearts to be conformed to God's Word.

[2:04] So, it might be dangerous in other places, but I'm going to assume that it's not dangerous here, because I'm assuming that you love the Bible, and you love God's Word, and you want your life to be in conformity with God's Word.

[2:16] So, what we're going to do this morning is just focus on verses 22, 23, and 24 that address directly the role of a wife in marriage. And we're going to answer a few basic questions from this passage.

[2:29] First, we're going to answer the question of what? What is this submission that the Apostle Paul is talking about? What does it mean? What is it? And then secondly, who?

[2:40] Who's supposed to do the submitting? Who's supposed to be submitted to? That may seem obvious, but many people miss that, and so we're going to ask that question. Who? Who is this about?

[2:50] Who is this specifically directed to war? And then probably the most important question that we have touched on every single week because it's so important is the why question. Why?

[3:02] Why should wives conduct themselves this way in the home? Why should a wife's relationship with her husband be this kind of relationship? All right? And then we're going to ask the question of, well, exactly when?

[3:15] Or you might say where? When do these commands apply? And in what situations does this command apply? And then finally, we'll jump out of Ephesians chapter 5 and move over to 1 Peter because I think it's really important that we answer the question, what about me?

[3:35] Because I know that there are a number of women in here who are thinking, this sounds great, but my husband's not a believer or my husband's not a spiritual leader. So I love what the Bible says here, but what about me?

[3:48] What about someone in my position, in my situation? So we'll get to that at the end. If you're thinking that the whole time as I'm talking and you're thinking, I don't know how this is going to work in my house, in my home, with the man that I'm married to, just hang on, absorb it, and then we'll come to it.

[4:02] All right? I promise you, we will get there. So the Apostle Paul begins by simply giving a command, wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Now I told you a few weeks ago that the word submit is actually not found in verse 22.

[4:17] It's found in verse 21 and the translators carry it over to verse 22. So if you look in verse 21, verse 21 is part of a larger description of what the Spirit-filled life looks like, what the life of a person who is walking with Christ looks like.

[4:34] And one of the things that will flow out of a person who is filled, that is led by God's Spirit, is submission. Verse 21 says that we are to be people submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

[4:46] And then literally, the text goes on and says, wives to your own husbands as to the Lord. So you have to supply the word submit from verse 21 into verse 22 to understand what it means.

[4:57] Now because of that, there have been a number of interpreters who look at verse 21 and say, well you see, Paul says submit to one another. So he doesn't really want just wives to submit to husbands.

[5:07] He wants everybody to submit to everybody. We submit to one another is what some would say. What I would say is, number one, that doesn't make sense when you consider the meaning of the word submit.

[5:19] And number two, it doesn't make sense in context. What the Apostle Paul says here in verse 21 is that we will all submit to those who are in rightful places of authority over us.

[5:30] This is not like reciprocal submission between two people. That's not what he's describing in verse 21. He's describing within the context of the Christian life, of the church, and of a God-centered family, everyone will submit to those to whom they are supposed to submit.

[5:46] And then he goes on to give three examples of what he's talking about. The first example is wives to husbands. The second example in chapter 6 verse 1 is children to parents. And the last example in chapter 6 verse 5 is slaves to their masters, or today we would say employees to their bosses.

[6:02] That's how we would put it today. Alright? So he says that those who are mature, those who are walking with Christ, will be submitting to others in authority over them. And one area in which that's to take place is within marriage of wives submitting to husbands.

[6:17] So, if you have heard that as a way of dismissing what the Apostle Paul and other New Testament writers have to say about marriage, if you've heard that sort of, that way of getting rid of the difficulties of this passage, I want you to understand that this passage is laying out for us very specific patterns of authority and submission.

[6:38] And one of those is within the husband-wife relationship. So don't let anybody try to convince you, try to twist this text to say that it doesn't say what it clearly seems to be saying when you just read it. Alright?

[6:49] Chances are, if you just read a text and it seems to say something to you, there's a really good chance that that's what it means. And if somebody comes along and makes a very fancy argument to make it not say what it seems to say the first time you read it, they just might be twisting it.

[7:04] And that's the case a lot of times with these sorts of passages. I think the reason for that is because we're just, we're not good at submitting to people. We're just not good at it.

[7:15] None of us likes to submit to people who are in authority over us. And even the most pliable people will sort of bristle inside when they are told what to do by someone who's in authority over them.

[7:27] It's normal. We see that happening all the way back in Genesis chapter 3. The issue in Genesis chapter 3 was an issue of authority. Who determines what is right and wrong?

[7:39] Who determines the course of your life? And Satan says to Eve, you will know good from evil. In other words, you from now on, if you eat this fruit, if you do not let God decide what is right for you, then you can determine your own course.

[7:54] You can decide. You will know good and evil for yourself. You can determine your own destiny. At the core of the fall of humanity is this unwillingness to submit to authority over us.

[8:09] And that plays itself out in every area of life, especially within marriage. I can remember several years ago, Allie and I, this was not long after we had gotten married.

[8:23] I think it was in the first year of our marriage. In fact, I know that it was because we were still living in Houston at the time. And she had a co-worker who was getting married. And so we decided to go, because when you don't have kids, you can go to any wedding or whatever.

[8:36] You can go wherever you want when you have kids. So we decided to go to this co-worker's wedding. And the lady who was getting married who worked with Allie, she was not a believer, but we wanted to be there in support of her marriage and all those sorts of things.

[8:52] And so we went. Well, because she wasn't a believer, she didn't go to church anywhere. So they just had to find a preacher. They didn't find me. That's probably a good thing. But they found themselves a preacher. And they happened to find this older Baptist preacher.

[9:05] They didn't know anything about him, but for whatever reason, he agreed to do their wedding. And so they're doing their vows and everything's going fine. And it's those kind of vows where you have to repeat after the minister.

[9:15] It's not just the simple I do vows, but you've got to repeat everything they say. And everything's going fine. Everything's good. And she's repeating her vows the first couple of lines. And then a part of the vows that he has in there is that she will submit to the leadership of her husband.

[9:29] And she just stopped. She just didn't repeat it. And there were some light kind of chuckles around the audience because everybody kind of knew, oh, she's not saying that.

[9:39] You know, people knew her. And you can see the groom is standing just kind of like, just say it. Just say it and we'll deal with it later. You know, like I won't hold you to it. Just please say it. So eventually, after some awkward silence, it always feels like five minutes.

[9:53] It's probably like ten seconds. I don't know. But after this awkward silence, she finally repeats it and they move on. And you know it's one of those things where she doesn't mean it at all because it's not happening. All right? I think that that is sort of symptomatic of the way that believers often approach this idea of submission within marriage.

[10:10] That we will say it, right? We'll repeat it and we'll say, okay, yeah, it says that. But when it really comes down to applying it, it doesn't often happen in our homes.

[10:22] Just as men, I said last week that men struggle to lead in their homes and there aren't a whole lot of husbands who really lead in the way that the Apostle Paul says we are to lead. So there aren't a whole lot of wives who really submit the way that the Apostle Paul says that wives are supposed to submit.

[10:40] We affirm it. We'll say it. Maybe after a little bit of pause, we'll affirm it. But then when we get home, it doesn't often really have any actual impact. But I think if you rightly understand, if you really understand what this means and the purpose of this, I think that it can revolutionize your marriage and your life at home.

[11:04] So what does it mean? Well, it's not complicated. Submission means submission. It means that you bend your will to someone who is in authority over you.

[11:15] That's essentially what it means. In fact, if you look down in verse 23, it gives the explanation, for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church. That's the analogy there.

[11:27] That's the similarity. Christ as the head of the church, He's in authority over the church, is He not? None of us would try to make some sort of fancy argument where Christ can in some way be the head of the church, but practically, He doesn't actually have any authority over His bride.

[11:43] None of us would make that kind of argument. But all the time, we're trying to argue that in some way, yeah, He's the head of the house, but, right? But the word submit just means submit.

[11:57] It means defer to someone else who is over you in authority. That's all it means. It's not complicated at all. So if you want to say, what does it mean to submit?

[12:08] It means you bend your will to the person who's in authority over you. It does not mean that you go along with them when you agree with them. It does not mean that you begrudgingly just sort of go along and whatever, okay?

[12:23] That's not what it means. It means that you bend your will to theirs so that even when you are, even when you have disagreement, even when you don't like the direction that you're going, you recognize their authority.

[12:35] That doesn't mean that wives can't say to their husbands, wait a minute, what are we doing here? Where are we going? All right? That's not what that means at all. But at the end of the day and at the end of the conversation, if there's still no resolution, what does a wife do?

[12:53] But let's say even more than that because I'm afraid that too many of us, both men and women, when we think about the practical effects of submission in marriage, what we say is it only boils down to those instances.

[13:07] You say, well, when should a wife submit? And people say, well, I guess if they really, if they just can't come to any kind of agreement at all and if it's just a, it's just a really serious issue and something's got to be done and they can't agree, I guess in that instance, okay, the man gets to be the head and make a decision, right?

[13:27] We tend to think that it only occurs in those instances. But this is a kind of leadership and this is a kind of submission that should occur in every area of your marriage.

[13:40] It is bending your will to someone who has rightful authority over you. Now, to whom is a woman supposed to do this?

[13:50] I want you to pay attention very closely to what Paul says because he says, wives, submit to your own husbands. You get that? This is addressed to wives.

[14:03] He could have said, women submit to men. He could have said that. He didn't say that. Paul is not setting up a patriarchal society here.

[14:14] He's not setting up a rule that men are in authority over women in every sphere of life and everywhere you go and every woman is to submit to every man. We're not setting up that kind of culture.

[14:24] We're not setting up a culture where the women have to walk behind the men and cover their faces and all those sorts of things. That's not what the Apostle Paul is setting up here. This is totally different than what we often picture when we think of male headship.

[14:37] That's not at all what's happening here. This is wives, not women in general. Right? And it's, wives, submit to your own husbands. Not to every other man that you know.

[14:50] Wives, submit to your own husbands. Beware of the abuse of some people who would like to take the truth of male headship in the home and spread it to every area of society.

[15:06] Is there a general rule that in society men tend to lead more often than women? I think so. I think that that is just practically how things play out because that's how we're created and that's built into us.

[15:19] But does the Bible prohibit women from ever being leaders in any area of life? No, it doesn't. But in the home, there's to be a gladly willing submission on the part of a wife to her own husbands.

[15:35] You've got the what and you've got the who. Now the most important issue is the why. Why would we do this? Because there is no part of our culture that honors this kind of relationship between a husband and wife.

[15:49] It just doesn't happen. So we need a powerful reason to back this up. We need something that can motivate us to get past everything that we have been taught since the time that we were children.

[16:03] At least in my lifetime, there has not been a time when culture did not stress the absolute equality of men and women.

[16:15] And when I say equality, I mean in every respect. The Bible affirms that men and women are equal in their worth and in their value. So Genesis chapter 1 verse 27 says that in the image of God He created them.

[16:27] Male and female He created them. So men and women are equally created in the image of God. We are equally valuable. We are equally of equal worth. We are saved by the same sacrifice of Christ on the cross for our sins.

[16:41] So in that sense we want to speak of equality. But when we come to this issue of roles, there are differences, right? Two persons can be equal and yet they can have different roles.

[16:57] We see this even within the Trinity, even within the Godhead. We see that Jesus submits to the Father. But Jesus and the Father are of the same essence.

[17:08] They are one God. You have one divine being in three persons and Jesus and the Holy Spirit submit to the will. Does that in any way make Jesus less than the Father?

[17:18] No, they are of the same essence. He is fully God. He is not like God Junior. He is God. And yet within the relationships in the Godhead the Son submits to the Father and Paul even tells us that the Father is the head of the Son.

[17:36] You see? So the picture that we are getting in the Scriptures is of equality in terms of worth, in terms of value, in terms of who we are. But differences in our roles.

[17:49] And so if we are going to see, if we are going to have the motive to carry those different roles out and to go against the stream, we need powerful motivation. And he says here in verse 22, Wives, submit to your own husbands and here is a phrase that I think can help us.

[18:06] It says, As to the Lord. Now, there are two ways to interpret this. One way is to say that wives are to submit to their husbands in the same way that they submit to Christ.

[18:19] That's one way to understand it. I think, however, that another interpretation is better. I think that what he's saying is that you submit to your husband as you submit to, as you are submitting to Christ.

[18:32] So that your submission to your husband is a part of your submission to Christ. Your submission within marriage is an outworking of your obedience to Christ and His commands.

[18:45] So, motivation number one is if you submit to your husband, you are ultimately submitting to Christ because He's the one who tells you to submit. So this is ultimately about obedience to Jesus.

[19:00] It's not about just filling a role. It's about obedience to Jesus. But he moves further than that. He gives us the real reason behind all of this in verse 23. Notice that verse 23 starts with the word for or the word because.

[19:14] For. So why submit? For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. So the primary reason, if we want to dig all the way down, the primary reason is the same thing that we've said every week.

[19:32] Marriage exists to be a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church. Your marriage exists to be a picture for all the world to see of the way that Christ relates to His own bride.

[19:48] And to the degree that you do that, your marriage is successful. To the degree that you glorify Christ by reflecting His relationship with the church, to that degree you can say at the end of it all, my marriage is successful.

[20:01] You can't say at the end of it, my marriage is successful just because you lasted. Alright? You may outlast all of your friends. You may stay married longer than anybody else you know, but at the end of the day, in the eyes of Christ, your marriage will not have been fully successful.

[20:18] Because you did not endeavor in all of it to be a reflection of His relationship with the church. So, wives, I want you to hear me really clearly on this.

[20:29] Your motive in all of this is not to uphold some archaic code. Your motive in all of this is not to make your husband look good before the world.

[20:41] Your motive in all of this is to make Jesus look good before all the world. That is what it is ultimately about. And if every time that natural sinful tendency within you to bristle at authority comes up within your home, you remind yourself, this is not about me, this is not about me feeling better about what I'm about to do or what I'm about to say, this is about the glory of Christ displayed in my marriage.

[21:09] If that doesn't come to the forefront of your mind, then you'll fail at this. Guaranteed. Because what will either happen is your marriage will fall into a rut of, yeah, He's in authority and I kind of submit, but it will not be the picture that we have here.

[21:27] It won't be that at all. Or, you'll just react negatively to the whole concept and you won't submit at all. And in either of those ways, Christ is not honored in that.

[21:40] Constantly, daily, you have to remind yourself why. Why? Because it's a part of my submission to Christ. And why? Because it brings glory to Christ by highlighting the way that He relates to His bride.

[21:53] So that when your friends think that you're crazy because you say, well, let me check with my husband on that. And they laugh at you and they make a joke out of it. If you just persist in it, you don't get upset with it, but you just persist in it and you persist in your submission, they will begin to notice that things are different in your home.

[22:11] And there may come a day where they say, I don't get the way that you, I don't understand that. And in that moment, it is a gospel opportunity for you. In that moment, you say, well, let me tell you, my husband loves me the way that Jesus loves the church.

[22:28] Let me tell you what Jesus has done for His people. And let me tell you what you need to do to become one of His people. This, when done rightly, can lead to gospel conversations.

[22:40] Have you ever realized, wives, that you have the ability to turn your marriage into a pointer to the gospel? You can do that.

[22:52] Your marriage can become a means by which you share the good news of Jesus with your friends. And you need to keep that in the forefront of your mind. Because everything else, everything within you, because you're sinful, we all are, and everything outside of you is going to tell you to do something different.

[23:12] You need a powerful motive. And the powerful motive is twofold. It reflects your submission to Christ, and it reflects His relationship to the church. So we have the what, we have the who, we have the why.

[23:28] Now we need to ask the question, when does this happen? Or in, where? Where do I, where does this happen? Because if you, if you, if you read on, it says in verse 24, that as, now as the church submits to Christ, Paul says, so also wives should submit, and here's the key phrase, in everything to their husbands.

[23:49] We have to ask ourselves, what does that mean? In everything. What does that mean? Does it mean that in every instance of life, no matter the situation, no matter the, no matter what's happening, whatever He wants, that's what you do.

[24:06] Is that what it means? Because if that's what it means, okay, that's what you got to do. But is that what it means? I don't think so. I don't think it means that because, for one, that would include sinful decisions that your husband makes and you would have to participate in those sinful decisions.

[24:21] And I don't think that anywhere the scriptures encourage us to sin in any way. So if your husband tries to lead you into sin, I don't think this passage is saying, well, in everything, and that's part of everything, so you're going to have to sin.

[24:34] That's not at all what it is. I think that what Paul is saying here is that by the phrase, in everything, I think he means in every sphere of life. So there's not a little corner of your life, there's not a little pocket of your life that you get to section off and say, this doesn't have anything to do with my marriage, this doesn't have anything to do with my relationship with my husband, this doesn't have, I don't have to listen to anything he says about this because this is my own thing, this is my little portion that I get to keep.

[25:03] And Paul says, no, in every sphere of life, I think that one of the reasons that so many marriages fail, one of the reasons, is because we do try to compartmentalize our lives in that way.

[25:18] And we try to say, well, this, here's my marriage and here's my relationship with my husband or my wife, but then here's, here's this part of my life that I would really like to keep separate from that and I'd like to kind of do it the way that I've been doing it and the way that I want to do it.

[25:33] Whether that's, whether that's work decisions, alright, whether that's the friends that you have, whatever it may be, when you get married, you become one flesh.

[25:44] Take a look down at what it says in verse 28. It says, in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh.

[25:59] Do you understand what that's saying? You're not two. You are one. So much so that Paul says if a husband hates his wife, it's like a man hating his own body.

[26:11] It doesn't make any sense. You can't hate your flesh. You can't hate yourself. It's you. It's a part of who you are. So, if you're really one flesh, how can there be certain compartments and pockets of your life that have nothing to do with the other half of who you are?

[26:32] It makes no sense. So, so if, if a husband and wife are, they're having to, they're having to bring together their lives, they're having to meld together all of their relationships.

[26:47] Are you going to maintain a relationship with someone that hates your husband? Didn't want you to get married in the first place and they just can't stand your husband? Same thing goes, is a man going to maintain friendships with men who can't stand their wives?

[27:00] Some people do and it begins to drive a wedge. But if I understand in everything right, it means every sphere of life, your friendships, your families, your work, in everything.

[27:16] You're now one flesh and the husband is the head in every sphere of life. You don't follow him into sin. You don't agree with every decision that he makes because some of them may indeed be sinful.

[27:29] That's not in everything. But you don't hide away parts of your life and keep it to yourself and pretend that you're obeying this command because when it comes to spiritual issues, you let him lead.

[27:39] Or when it comes to money issues, you let him lead. No. It's every facet of life. You're one flesh. So submission, let me just review real quickly.

[27:52] Submission is the willing bending of your will to someone in authority over you and wives are to submit to their own husbands. Not women to all men but wives to their own husband and the motivation behind that ultimately is that you might reflect in the way that you relate to your husband, you might reflect for the world to see the way that the church submits to Christ.

[28:16] And that takes place in every area of your life so that everyone that you interact with will eventually over time get a sense that something's different about this woman.

[28:30] Something is different about how the way that she relates and talks to and interacts with her husband. Something's different here and that different, although it should be a bad thing, it looks pretty good.

[28:44] That should happen. But I know that there is that burning question after we say all this, the what about me question. The truth of the matter is that in most churches, most churches have far more women in them than they do men.

[28:59] It's just a reality. In most, in many families, the women get up on Sunday mornings, women get the children dressed, women take them to church and the men stay home and they sleep in and they watch the game.

[29:15] That's the way it works in a lot of relationships. relationships. Or even among those who go to church regularly, often times, the men are not doing what we talked about last week.

[29:27] They're not leading the way that Christ leads the church. They're not loving their wife the way that Christ loves the church. They're just not doing that. And so, I have to say to wives, I have to say, what do you do in your situation?

[29:41] What do you do if either A, your husband is a non-believer or B, your husband is a believer but he doesn't lead and he doesn't love you the way that he's commanded to in this passage?

[29:52] What is a wife to do? Well, Paul does not address that in this passage but Peter does address it. And so, I want you to turn over to 1 Peter.

[30:03] We turned here briefly last week. I want you to turn over to 1 Peter chapter 3 because Peter addresses this specific question very directly.

[30:14] 1 Peter chapter 3 he says, Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands. There's the command. Same thing that Paul says essentially.

[30:26] Wives be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the Word. Now, just pause right there. When Peter says some do not obey the Word, what he means is they don't believe in the Gospel.

[30:41] So, what he means is wives submit to your husbands. And if you have a husband who's not a believer, if you have a husband who doesn't submit his life to the Word of God, who does not believe in the Gospel, what are you to do?

[30:56] Read on. So that even if some do not obey the Word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

[31:11] Do you see what it says here? Notice, I want you to take a note of this. The Bible never says wives submit to your husbands so long as they are wise, godly men who make all the right decisions.

[31:26] Alright? If that's the case, no woman is ever going to submit to her husband because no husband ever makes all the right decisions. Alright? That's the truth. But if that's also the case, then the vast majority of women who come to church on Sunday would be unable to ever submit because their husbands are either not believers or they're not spiritual leaders.

[31:46] But what Peter says here is submit so that. In other words, submit even in this instance. Even in the worst of situations, the worst of situations is your husband's not a believer.

[31:57] Even if he doesn't obey the Word, even in that situation, he says, submit anyway. And then he says, so that they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.

[32:13] There's a lot of practical application in that, I think, for wives. Both of wives married to non-believers and wives who get frustrated with their husbands, which now we've just covered everybody, right?

[32:26] Okay? There's a word in there. They may be won without a word. In other words, the way to win your husband to Christ is not to constantly badger him to come to church with you.

[32:39] The way to win your husband to Christ is not to constantly be on his case about you need to do that and you need to do this. Or if you were this kind of man or if you had done this or if you had made this decision over, that's not the way to win your husband to Christ.

[32:54] That's not the way to win him over to godly leadership within the home. That will not work. Let me just tell you. It will not work. You can try it if you want to.

[33:05] You'll be disobeying the scriptures but you'll also be wrecking your marriage. It will not work. There is even within the wimpiest and puniest of men, alright, there is deep within them a desire to lead.

[33:19] And if you try to lead him by pressuring him and pushing him and badgering him, that little seed of knowing that he ought to lead will well up with guilt and he'll get angry and over time bitter about it.

[33:32] It will happen. It's the way that it works. And you can't say, well he shouldn't react that way. It is the reaction of what's left in him, buried deep within him of a desire to lead his wife and his family in a godly way.

[33:46] Even those who are lost have buried within them this desire to lead because it's a part of creation. It is a part of being made male and female in the image of God.

[33:59] Read Genesis chapter 2. It reads and it shouts out the leadership of the husband within the home that is buried within men even if they don't know it's there, even if they've never brushed up against it, even if it's never come out, it's there.

[34:16] It's a part of creation. It's the way that God made us. And if you do that, if you push and if you prod and if you try to lead him to go the right way, that little spark that tells him he ought to be leading will begin to convict him but not in a good way.

[34:35] It will only make him angry and over time if you keep at it, it will make him bitter. So what do you do? He says, by, look, by your respectful and pure conduct.

[34:51] That's it. How do you point an unbelieving husband to Christ? By your respectful and pure conduct.

[35:04] That's how you do it. Because over time, over time, he may perhaps, if the Spirit works within his heart, he may perhaps begin to see the difference.

[35:17] That you don't react to him the way that his friends' wives react to them. You don't do that. They get angry. They have shouting matches. Things go badly when he makes bad decisions or when he doesn't do the things his wife wants him to do.

[35:32] But he looks in his own marriage and in your marriage and he says, that doesn't often happen here. She's different. She really does live out what she tells me she believes.

[35:46] She doesn't just go to church on Sunday and make me feel guilty about going to church on Sunday and then do all the same stuff that I do throughout the week or react angrily at me throughout the week and yell at me as much as I yell at her.

[35:58] She's different. And men have conversations. Men talk. Okay? I know we think men don't talk, but men talk. They talk in short sentences and complaints, but they do talk.

[36:09] All right? I can't believe this happened. Can you believe that? Okay, we do talk and what your husband will begin to realize is he can't lodge the same complaints as his buddies are lodging when they're playing golf or when they're fishing together.

[36:24] They're complaining about something and there's a part of him that wants to jump in because everybody likes to complain together because we're just sinful people who like to complain and yet he doesn't have anything to complain about.

[36:35] He doesn't have anything to say. His wife hasn't thrown a dish at him in 20 years. He doesn't even know what to do with that. Okay? He doesn't know. There's no complaint and eventually if the spirit begins to work in his heart, eventually your conduct, your obedience to Christ that is revealed in your submission to him in marriage, eventually that may begin to make him consider the gospel.

[37:04] Do you see how in everything this is about the gospel? So that if you do have a husband that leads and he's a believer and he leads you spiritually, he does all the right things, your marriage becomes an opportunity for you to share the gospel with your friends.

[37:17] And if you have a husband who's not a believer and he's not a spiritual leader, your conduct becomes an opportunity for the gospel to hold sway in his life. I want you to see this.

[37:28] I want you to understand that marriage is not about getting your needs met whether it be physical or emotional or intellectual or whatever. It's not about getting your needs met. Marriage is about the glory of Jesus and the spread of the gospel in your home and to your friends and around the world.

[37:44] That's what marriage is about. Which means that if you don't know Christ, if you've never first submitted your heart to him whether man or woman, husband or wife, single, if you haven't done that then none of these things can happen.

[38:03] if you haven't come to understand the sacrifice of Christ on behalf of his bride that he laid down his life to take upon himself the punishment that we deserve so that through faith in him we can be fully forgiven and covered by his righteousness, if you haven't come to understand that aspect of Christ's relationship with his bride and you haven't experienced that yourself and become a part of the bride of Christ, if that hasn't happened for you then none of this can happen for you.

[38:34] None of this will work for you if that hasn't happened in your heart. If you've not bent the knee to Christ and trusted in him and turned away from your sin none of these things can happen.

[38:49] But if you know Christ and you walk with Christ and you seek to see Christ honored and glorified and magnified in your marriage then the gospel will spread.

[39:01] And not only will your marriage and your home be enriched but people will come to know Christ because of it. Let's pray. Let's pray.